ADVICE FOR LIVING WELL

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Advice for Living Well
J.R. Briggs | May 2023

After reading Kevin Kelly’s book Excellent Advice for Living: Wisdom I Wish I’d Known Earlier, I decided to create my own list. 

1.      Making it your goal to try and improve  1% every day, even in seemingly small ways. Driving. Writing an email. Making dinner. Folding laundry. Working out. Listening to others. It’ll pay off over time.* 

2.     Show me your habits and I’ll show you your future. Habits are the compound interest of life.*

3.     Engage in various small “life experiments.” Then watch to see what happens.

4.     Avoid debt like the plague. If you do, you’ll be better off than the majority of Americans.

5.     Never resist the urge to be generous.

6.     Change of pace plus change of place equals change of perspective.* That’s why retreats, trips, and getting out of the ZIP code are so important. 

7.     Take the initiative - to introduce yourself to someone, to meet a new neighbor, to connect with a friend, to apologize. Leaders always go first. Live proactively. 

8.     Problems are often solved when you leave your phone on your desk and go for a walk. Solvitur  ambulando.

10.   Faithfulness is massively underrated. It’s not very sexy, but it’s worth it.

11.    Live with your arrows pointing out. Rather than walking into rooms and saying, “Here I am!” walk into rooms and say, “There you are!”

12.   All of life is either stewardship or surrender. The key is to learn the difference between the two.

13.    Grow fruit on other people’s trees.*

14.   Sporks are incredibly valuable and wildly underrated.

15.   If you’re intentional about your mornings, the rest of the day often works out just fine.

16.   To be clear is to be kind.*

17.   Culture is created by what you celebrate and the worst behavior leaders are willing to tolerate.* Create healthy cultures at work, in your community, and with your family. 

18.   It’s only when you’re vulnerable that you grow. Vulnerability always precedes growth.

19.   How matters. As the Puritans said, “God loveth adverbs.”*

20.  The only true way to live is with purpose and intention.

21.   Few things clear your head more than journaling and exercising. You’ll be surprised by what comes spilling out of your mind and heart when writing and sweating.

22.  When creating your to do list, don’t just write what needs to be done. Use a strong action-oriented verb, then the task, and when you’ll work on it, followed by how much time do you think it will realistically take to complete the task. “Do report” becomes “Complete the report and email to the team by Wednesday at noon (75 minutes).” It’ll make your tasks more focused, less overwhelming, and easier to get started.

23.   In a world of immense distraction, focus is the new superpower.

24.  Life is best lived when you live beyond yourself.

25.   Never say someone else’s no for them. Ask yourself, “What’s the worst they can say?” No. Can I handle hearing no?” If you can, ask with confidence. Many times people will end up saying yes.

26.  Calm is contagious - but so is anxiety. Choose wisely.

27.   Leaders are the ones who build trust, bear pain, and bring hope.

28.  Strive to be FAT and hungry. Faithful. Available. Teachable. Hungry. 

29.  Put the phone away. And if you can’t be disciplined enough to do it on your own, hand it to someone you trust and tell them to only give it back when they think you’re ready.

30.  Confidence is quiet. 

31.    Learn to tell engaging stories and ask thoughtful questions.

32.   Commit to being a life-long learner. The most practical way to do this is to be a consistent reader.

33.   Tears are liquid prayers. When you cry ask yourself, Can I put words to the prayer that my face is praying right now? It’ll help you stay in touch with God, others, and yourself.

34.  Travel abroad. It’s one of the greatest ways to grow and mature - and all of your senses are heightened when you do it.

35.   Continually ask yourself, “How can I add value to the person in front of me?” and you’ll never have to worry about money. 

36.  Develop an allergic reaction to mediocrity.

37.   Do hard things.*

38.  Notice and express gratitude to the “invisible” hard-working people in the world, especially hotel maids, Amazon delivery drivers, and airport employees.

39.  Learn to use “we” and “us” more frequently than “I” and “me.” It keeps you humble.

40.  Some of life’s best memories are when you’re cold, wet, or dirty.* 

41.   Don’t offer advice to people unless they are moving toward you.*

42.  Most people’s email inbox is just a to-do list run by others.*

43.  Invest in a good fountain pen, and a quality leather journal.

44.  Whenever you buy a new piece of clothing, donate an old one to Goodwill.

45.  Work on a few goals without telling anyone else. It will be more meaningful for you when you accomplish them.

46.  Dostoevsky wrote, “Beauty will save the world.” Put yourself on the path toward beauty. 

47.  Regularly pray for equal measures of wisdom, courage, and compassion.

48.  Two of life’s most important words: congruence and praxis.

49.  Learn to respond to email in 5 sentences or less. If it takes longer than that, pick up the phone and call them. It’ll save you hours of time.*

50.  No, you won’t remember it later. Write it down. Sticky notes and index cards work wonders. 

51.   Invest in quality products that you will use every day – eyeglasses and a mattress being two of them.

52.   Don’t pack more than what fits into your carry-on luggage. It will reduce a lot of stress when you travel and you’ll be reminded just how little you actually need.

53.   Punctuality is one of the most practical ways to respect others.

54.  Imposter Syndrome is a byproduct of living with courage. When you feel it, celebrate the fact you’re allowing yourself to be stretched in new ways - and then ask what it has to teach you.

55.   Energy management is more important than time management.*

56.  Every three months or so get out of the ZIP Code, visit a coffee shop and spend half a day reflecting on your life and schedule. It’s amazing how much clarity you’ll receive, which will help you focus and clarify what the next quarter of your life can look like.*

57.   Celebrate other people’s accomplishments and important days extravagantly. It’ll mean a lot to them. And to you.

58.  Write one handwritten note to a friend and family member each week, just because.

59.  You’ll never regret making a wise decision. 

60.  Naming the elephant in the room is a good start. After naming it, befriend the elephant, invite it to sit down at the table and teach you. If you ignore it, the elephant may squish you. Worse yet, it may kill you. 

61.   If you have a pocket, carry a pen.

62.  Make a list of the top 50 people who have shaped and impacted you positively in your life. Write each of them a thoughtful handwritten note of appreciation. It will make their year and help you realize that no one is self-made.

63.  Always aim to create structures that are lightweight, low-maintenance, and high accountability.

64.  As a Christian, don’t be weird. But don’t be normal either. Strive to be peculiar instead.

65.  Failure is a terrible thing to waste. It’s a beautiful gift wrapped in ugly wrapping paper.

66.  When you fail, step back and ask yourself, “What is there for me to learn from the situation?” To be able to do that is a sign you are maturing. 

67.  Learn to write clearly, compellingly, and succinctly.

68. We live in a world that catches people doing things wrong. Catch people doing things right.

69.  Read poetry. When you read a poem, read it slowly, read it aloud, and read it twice.

70. The goal of parenting isn’t to raise happy kids, but to raise happy adults. 

71.   Feedback is the breakfast of champions.

72.   Use the word “awesome” sparingly. If everything is awesome, then nothing is.

73.   Read the footnotes and endnotes of the books you read. You’ll find some amazing treasures for what to read next.

74.  As much as possible, avoid buying food at the airport. Instead, bring an empty water bottle and fill it up past the security checkpoint. Pack snacks. And ask for tomato juice when the drink cart comes by on your flight. It’s a liquid meal. The exorbitant prices in airports are a tax on those who arrive unprepared. 

75.   Tragedy plus time equals humor.*

76.  The 30-minute rule of being a sports fan: after your team suffers a tough loss, you have every right to be upset. But after 30 minutes, walk into the bathroom, look yourself in the mirror and say, “I’m a grown man. It’s time to care about more important things in life now.”

77.   Do the hard work of identifying your core values. It will serve you well in making decisions, big, and small, throughout your life.

78.  What you think is important. But how you arrive at what you think is more important.

79.  Be purposeful about beginnings and endings.

80.  Kids can be some of your greatest teachers – if you let them.

81.   When you are being wrongfully accused, never defend yourself; only offer to explain yourself. Respond, but don’t react.*

82.  The rule of half. If you’re leading a meeting, think about how long you expect the meeting will last. Then divide it by two. That’s how much time to spend preparing for it. Your meetings will be much more productive, focused, and worthwhile.

83.  Occasionally, let the waitress choose your entrée. Identify three options on the menu that sound good and then let her decide. She almost always picks a winner.

84.  The volume level coming from a car or motorcycle is in direct proportion to the level of insecurity of its driver.

85.  As you’re being seated at a restaurant, choose a seat that faces away from the television screens. Your friends and family will appreciate your attention during dinner.

86.  Learn to respect people not for what they say, but how they live.

87. Telling is not the same thing as training.

88. Buy fresh cut flowers, even when it feels impractical. Not all things in life need to be useful in order to be meaningful. 

89. Always stop and buy lemonade from a kid’s lemonade stand, even when you’re short on time. It’s not a big deal to you, but it’s a huge deal to them. 

90. You can have control or growth, but you can’t have both.*

91. The goal of Christianity isn’t just to learn to love Jesus; it’s also to learn to love Judas.*

92. Never underestimate the power of following up and following through.

93. If you opened it, close it. If you dropped it, pick it up. If you pulled it out, put it away. If you spilled it, clean it up. Common courtesy. 

94. Not all hours of the day are created equal.*

95. Hope is not a strategy.

96. Approach everything I’ve written here like when you eat seafood: eat the meat and throw out the bones. You get to decide which is which. My only advice: don’t choke on the bones.

 

*indicates that the thought, idea, concept, or quote – in whole or in part - originated from someone 


WISDOM ON LEADING WELL

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We said, “Take the gloves off, Dallas. Tell us what we really need to hear.” We had read all of Dallas’ books and been deeply impacted by them—not least by his latest, The Divine Conspiracy. But Brian had just finished presenting some thoughts on new models of leadership—leaders marked not so much by conquest and technique, but by spiritual goodness and wisdom. And so we sat there, slumped pensively in our chairs, until someone finally said, “Dallas...please talk to us about how we become those kind of people.” So, during a break, Dallas began listing some of his thoughts on a whiteboard. And then in his gracious, careful way, he challenged us to become the kind of leaders this world so desperately needs. The following is some of what he told us.

1. People are constantly looking for methods.
God is looking for men. Methods are often temporary, but what God is looking for is a life. God is far less interested in your results than the person you are becoming. Many people in our life have tried to substitute results for what they lacked: joy, relationship, character. This part of your existence is a very short part of all of it, and probably you will not be a pastor in the next part.

2. You must be a person who doesn’t need his job, who finds his personal sufficiency in God.
If you don’t have this one down, you will drive yourself nuts. You will be torn between pleasing people and pleasing God. You will be torn between your own integrity and what people who don’t understand are saying about you. You won’t be able to lead like this. You will find yourself caught between two different driving forces, and your only resource is an internal sufficiency before the Lord.

3. In order to carry that out, you have to have a strategy for constant renewal.
Start by looking at what has strengthened you in the past and cultivate that. Don’t regard such activities as peripheral, but central. Of course, I’ve written a whole book on spiritual disciplines, but I think we all know what to do. Sometimes this will mean giving up sleep, and sometimes strengthening yourself may mean getting enough sleep.

4. You need things that are not directly a part of your ministry that give you a kind of rootedness.
These could, of course, include things that would help you in your ministry. For example, if you love literature, your love of words will help you speak and write. Powerful language is one of the greatest benefits to a minister. I’ve watched for decades how ministers who can really use language will know how to say things in a way that people who are not as adept with words cannot. Part of that, of course, is knowing the language of the Bible. Memorize it. Soak it in. Make it a part of your whole life. That will be in itself a strategy for personal renewal.

5. Write.
Not to publish, but write. Writing is one of the surest ways to hone your sense of what you are saying. You must be able to say things with force and clarity. Write out your sermons—even if you don’t use the manuscript. Write out your thoughts. Copy things out of books. One of your greatest assets in church planting is the power of your words. People are desperate to hear something good.

6. Know your Bible.
Generally speaking, seminary training does not make people adept in working with the Bible. Your life and your Bible should start forming a seamless whole. Wear out your Bible. Read it in large stretches, and repeatedly. Read the New Testament in one go. Set aside time so that you can read through the New Testament five times in one week. Take notes, because you will get stuff that will be life-giving.

7. Don’t pretend anything.
Eliminate pretending from your repertoire. That will be wonderfully helpful in becoming the kinds of leaders the world desperately needs. We often pretend we are interested in things we are not, for example, or that we know things we don’t know. One of the lies commonly told in my university context is, “Oh yes, I’ve read that book.” We may pretend to have accomplished things we haven’t accomplished. We can be evasive. To be “an Israelite in whom there is no guile” is a great strength in the battle of life. Actually, people will forgive you many things they might otherwise get mad at you about if you are guileless.

I have a three step plan for humility:
a. never pretend
b. never presume
c. never push.

Most of the things that we try to accomplish go according to the saying: “Things that can be pulled can’t be pushed, and things that can be pushed can’t be pulled.” Most of what we’re doing can’t be pushed; it has to be drawn out at the appropriate time.

8. Listen to your critics.
Proverbs says, “Rebuke a wise man and he’ll love you for it.” Listen not with the attitude, “I don’t deserve this, they’re dead wrong.” Lay it down and just listen, see what you can learn. Practice walking off without reply.

What goes along with this is, don’t defend yourself. Now, sometimes you need to explain yourself. But this is a fine line. If you are actually doing this to help the person, you are not defending yourself. When we are in a ministry that is going through change, then we do need to help people. But to defend yourself is hopeless. You have a Defender and you let him do his job.

9. Grow in making distinctions for people.
For example, I believe we should never be in a hurry. But sometimes we should act quickly. Acting quickly is a form of action. Being in a hurry is a state of mind. Another example: When talking about spiritual disciplines, one of my slogans that I use to help people with the difference between works and grace is that “Grace is not opposed to effort, it is opposed to earning. Earning is an attitude; effort is an action.” It’s very important to help people grasp these distinctions, and often once you state them for people, it can be like a flash of insight for them.

10. Identify what you admire, and stay with it.
What do you think is really good in your work, and in others that you know? No matter what it is—and it will often be associated with someone who you think is really doing that particular thing well—stick with it. Vacillation hurts us very badly in relation to our success as ministers. Find what’s good in your work and stick with it and make it better.

For example, if you find some topic that is especially helpful, don’t just take one shot at it and drop it. Develop it. Certainly that’s true of much that I have written. I have never asked to publish a book; they’ve all come because people have heard of what I’ve said. Richard Foster’s and my work on disciplines all came out of a half-page outline that I did in the late 1960s, and we just started working on it.

Originally published in Cutting Edge magazine, Summer 1999. A publication of Vineyard USA.
Also published in 2016 as Chapter 38 of Renewing The Christian Mind (HarperOne Publishers).