1. How would you like to grow within this organization?
2. Do you feel a sense of purpose in your work?
3. What do you need from me to do your best work?
4. What are we currently not doing as a company that you believe we should do?
5. Do you have the opportunity to do what you do best?
BONUS:
What is the best part of your work?
Which of your talents are you not using in your current role?
What part of your role would you eliminate if you could?
Eat at a local restaurant tonight.
Get the cream sauce.
Have a cold pint at 4 o’clock in a mostly empty bar.
Go somewhere you’ve never been.
Listen to someone you think may have nothing in common with you.
Order the steak rare.
Eat an oyster.
Have a negroni.
Have two.
Be open to a world where you may not understand or agree with the person next to you, but have a drink with them anyways.
Eat slowly.
Tip your server.
Check in on your friends.
Check in on yourself.
Enjoy the ride.
Anthony Bourdain
Unearthing our story of place is foundational in the work of formation. It is the work of excavation. Excavation uncovers what is under the surface. It exposes what’s hidden in the humus. A foundation is rarely noticed and often goes unseen. But, the stability of a leader is based on their foundational work of excavation. Excavating the stories of both where we are from and where we lead.
The Cambridge dictionary definition of excavate: to remove earth that is covering objects buried in the ground in order to discover things about the past. There are violent and destructive ways to excavate. But, there are also careful and constructive ways to excavate. The difference in how we excavate is what we believe lies underneath.
If our aim is to strip away the past as quickly as possible we often do so violently. We move through the earth callously if we believe nothing of value will be uncovered. There is no curiosity. There is no care. There are only surface conclusions. There is an unwillingness to learn from the past and places that have formed you and the world around you.
If we believe something of value is below the surface, we begin to remove earth expectantly and patiently. We approach strata and story with curiosity and care. There is a willingness to listen and wisdom in learning from our own history. Under the surface lies artifacts of where we are from. There is holiness hidden in the soil of all of our stories.
The practice of unearthing our story, and the story of the place we live and lead, is never completed. “In one sense the past is dead and gone, but in another sense, it is of course not done with at all or at least not done with us.” wrote Frederick Buechner. “Every person we have ever known, every place we have ever seen, everything that has ever happened to us—it all lives and breathes deep in us somewhere whether we like it or not, and sometimes it doesn’t take much to bring it to the surface in bits and pieces.”
Excavation is the important, intentional, and ongoing work of unearthing and remembering. There are golden veins hidden among our stories we may not discover for decades. Humility, curiosity, and sincerity are the excavation tools to care best for our past.
Living and leading well always requires getting your hands dirty. The dirt we must work is the soil of our own story. If we are unable to do the work of courageously uncovering our past, it’s unlikely we will have the courage and clarity to step into our future. Those who do not study history, including their own history, are likely to repeat it.
Excavate your life. Uncover the hidden and holy places in your past. The work will prepare you to get your hands dirty with the land you find yourself now living and leading in. There are lessons to be learned from the landscape. Excavate believing your past is a sacred place.
How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives.
What we do with this hour, and that one, is what we are doing.
A schedule defends from chaos and whim. It is a net for catching days.
Annie Dillard
Four Steps of a Powerful Apology:
1. Here’s what I did.
(Be specific.)
2. Here’s how I hurt you… is there more?
(Now listen.)
3. I’m sorry for…
(Name what you did specifically and how it hurt the person.)
4. Would you forgive me?
(Maybe it’s not today. But I am asking for your forgiveness.)
We said, “Take the gloves off, Dallas. Tell us what we really need to hear.” We had read all of Dallas’ books and been deeply impacted by them—not least by his latest, The Divine Conspiracy. But Brian had just finished presenting some thoughts on new models of leadership—leaders marked not so much by conquest and technique, but by spiritual goodness and wisdom. And so we sat there, slumped pensively in our chairs, until someone finally said, “Dallas...please talk to us about how we become those kind of people.” So, during a break, Dallas began listing some of his thoughts on a whiteboard. And then in his gracious, careful way, he challenged us to become the kind of leaders this world so desperately needs. The following is some of what he told us.
1. People are constantly looking for methods.
God is looking for men. Methods are often temporary, but what God is looking for is a life. God is far less interested in your results than the person you are becoming. Many people in our life have tried to substitute results for what they lacked: joy, relationship, character. This part of your existence is a very short part of all of it, and probably you will not be a pastor in the next part.
2. You must be a person who doesn’t need his job, who finds his personal sufficiency in God.
If you don’t have this one down, you will drive yourself nuts. You will be torn between pleasing people and pleasing God. You will be torn between your own integrity and what people who don’t understand are saying about you. You won’t be able to lead like this. You will find yourself caught between two different driving forces, and your only resource is an internal sufficiency before the Lord.
3. In order to carry that out, you have to have a strategy for constant renewal.
Start by looking at what has strengthened you in the past and cultivate that. Don’t regard such activities as peripheral, but central. Of course, I’ve written a whole book on spiritual disciplines, but I think we all know what to do. Sometimes this will mean giving up sleep, and sometimes strengthening yourself may mean getting enough sleep.
4. You need things that are not directly a part of your ministry that give you a kind of rootedness.
These could, of course, include things that would help you in your ministry. For example, if you love literature, your love of words will help you speak and write. Powerful language is one of the greatest benefits to a minister. I’ve watched for decades how ministers who can really use language will know how to say things in a way that people who are not as adept with words cannot. Part of that, of course, is knowing the language of the Bible. Memorize it. Soak it in. Make it a part of your whole life. That will be in itself a strategy for personal renewal.
5. Write.
Not to publish, but write. Writing is one of the surest ways to hone your sense of what you are saying. You must be able to say things with force and clarity. Write out your sermons—even if you don’t use the manuscript. Write out your thoughts. Copy things out of books. One of your greatest assets in church planting is the power of your words. People are desperate to hear something good.
6. Know your Bible.
Generally speaking, seminary training does not make people adept in working with the Bible. Your life and your Bible should start forming a seamless whole. Wear out your Bible. Read it in large stretches, and repeatedly. Read the New Testament in one go. Set aside time so that you can read through the New Testament five times in one week. Take notes, because you will get stuff that will be life-giving.
7. Don’t pretend anything.
Eliminate pretending from your repertoire. That will be wonderfully helpful in becoming the kinds of leaders the world desperately needs. We often pretend we are interested in things we are not, for example, or that we know things we don’t know. One of the lies commonly told in my university context is, “Oh yes, I’ve read that book.” We may pretend to have accomplished things we haven’t accomplished. We can be evasive. To be “an Israelite in whom there is no guile” is a great strength in the battle of life. Actually, people will forgive you many things they might otherwise get mad at you about if you are guileless.
I have a three step plan for humility:
a. never pretend
b. never presume
c. never push.
Most of the things that we try to accomplish go according to the saying: “Things that can be pulled can’t be pushed, and things that can be pushed can’t be pulled.” Most of what we’re doing can’t be pushed; it has to be drawn out at the appropriate time.
8. Listen to your critics.
Proverbs says, “Rebuke a wise man and he’ll love you for it.” Listen not with the attitude, “I don’t deserve this, they’re dead wrong.” Lay it down and just listen, see what you can learn. Practice walking off without reply.
What goes along with this is, don’t defend yourself. Now, sometimes you need to explain yourself. But this is a fine line. If you are actually doing this to help the person, you are not defending yourself. When we are in a ministry that is going through change, then we do need to help people. But to defend yourself is hopeless. You have a Defender and you let him do his job.
9. Grow in making distinctions for people.
For example, I believe we should never be in a hurry. But sometimes we should act quickly. Acting quickly is a form of action. Being in a hurry is a state of mind. Another example: When talking about spiritual disciplines, one of my slogans that I use to help people with the difference between works and grace is that “Grace is not opposed to effort, it is opposed to earning. Earning is an attitude; effort is an action.” It’s very important to help people grasp these distinctions, and often once you state them for people, it can be like a flash of insight for them.
10. Identify what you admire, and stay with it.
What do you think is really good in your work, and in others that you know? No matter what it is—and it will often be associated with someone who you think is really doing that particular thing well—stick with it. Vacillation hurts us very badly in relation to our success as ministers. Find what’s good in your work and stick with it and make it better.
For example, if you find some topic that is especially helpful, don’t just take one shot at it and drop it. Develop it. Certainly that’s true of much that I have written. I have never asked to publish a book; they’ve all come because people have heard of what I’ve said. Richard Foster’s and my work on disciplines all came out of a half-page outline that I did in the late 1960s, and we just started working on it.
Originally published in Cutting Edge magazine, Summer 1999. A publication of Vineyard USA.
Also published in 2016 as Chapter 38 of Renewing The Christian Mind (HarperOne Publishers).
Questions a kid will answer at the end of a long school day:
What did you eat for lunch?
Did you catch anyone picking their nose?
What games did you play at recess?
What was the funniest thing that happened today?
Did anyone do anything super nice for you?
What was the nicest thing you did for someone else?
Who made you smile today?
Which one of your teachers would survive a zombie apocalypse? Why?
What new fact did you learn today?
Who brought the best food in their lunch today? What was it?
What challenged you today?
If school were a ride at the fair, which ride would it be? Why?
What would you rate your day on a scale of 1 to 10? Why?
If one of your classmates could be the teacher for the day who would you want it to be? Why?
If you had the chance to be the teacher tomorrow, what would you teach the class?
Did anyone push your buttons today?
Who do you want to make friends with but haven’t yet? Why not?
What is your teacher’s most important rule?
What is the most popular thing to do at recess?
Does your teacher remind you of anyone else you know? How?
Tell me something you learned about a friend today.
If aliens came to school and beamed up 3 kids, who do you wish they would take? Why?
What is one thing you did today that was helpful?
When did you feel most proud of yourself today?
What rule was the hardest to follow today?
What is one thing you hope to learn before the school year is over?
Which person in your class is your exact opposite?
Which area of your school is the most fun?
Which playground skill do you plan to master this year?
Does anyone in your class have a hard time following the rules?
Because here's something else that's weird but true: in the day-to day trenches of adult life, there is actually no such thing as atheism. There is no such thing as not worshipping. Everybody worships. The only choice we get is what to worship. And the compelling reason for maybe choosing some sort of god or spiritual-type thing to worship -- be it JC or Allah, be it YHWH or the Wiccan Mother Goddess, or the Four Noble Truths, or some inviolable set of ethical principles -- is that pretty much anything else you worship will eat you alive.
If you worship money and things, if they are where you tap real meaning in life, then you will never have enough, never feel you have enough. It's the truth. Worship your body and beauty and sexual allure and you will always feel ugly. And when time and age start showing, you will die a million deaths before they finally grieve you. On one level, we all know this stuff already. It's been codified as myths, proverbs, clichés, epigrams, parables; the skeleton of every great story. The whole trick is keeping the truth up front in daily consciousness.
David Foster Wallace
We are walking in what we are looking for.
James Finley
Transformation always begins in the form of interruption or disruption.
Keith Matthews
I did not ask for success; I asked for wonder.
Abraham Joshua Heschel